Only Allaah Grants Children
The first thing that should be realized is that a child is one of the boundless. favours of A1laah. He alone grants them. Allaah says: "Allaah has given you spouses from yourselves, has granted you, from your spouses, children and grandchildren." (Q72 [Nahl]: 72) Allaah's decisions are not circumscribed by human wishes and preferences rather His decisions are based on His infinite wisdom.
He is Most Wise and we must submit to His will and decree with full submission, because we are unable to comprehend the ultimate goals of His wisdom. Allaah apportions His favours when He wills, how He wills and to whom He chooses among His creatures. "To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things." (Q42[Shura]:49-50)
Focus on the Primary Aim of Your Existence
Her womb does not solely define a woman nor is the man solely defined by his sexual prowess. The primary reason for our existence.is to worship Allaah. A1laah says: "And I (Allaah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone)." (Q51 [Dhariyat]:56) Our yearnings for a child or anything for that matter should logically not jeopardize the reason of our existence. So balance your yearnings with your obligations so that your childlessness does not consume your entire being. Your inability or ability to produce children has no true effect on your status as Muslims, as a true slaveof our Creator.
Resist the Lure into Shirk
Childless couples are particularly vulnerable to sympathetic advisers; mostly friends and family members.Several options are suggested, some of them good and acceptable. However, there are some options that border on magic and shirk. The childless couple must realize that any attempt at solving childlessness through magic and shirk will never be successful. Allaah says: "Say you (thiS) about the truth when it has come to you? Is this magic? But the magicians will never be successful." (Q10[Yunus]:77)
Worse still, such options could actually nullify ones Islaam. The couple should also know that whatever options are chosen, they are only means; only Allaah grants children. However attractive and sweet the promise of miracle merchants only Allaah is your sure recourse in your quest for a child. Would you rather lose your deen so that you could earn a child? Would you rather lose your hereafter for the fleeting pleasures of this world? Rather, you should be grateful to Allaah! True, Allaah has not given you your own child yet, but what about the very many other blessings you were given for which you never asked: your sight, your hearing and your healthy limbs etc? It will do you a lot of good to know that some people are craving for those blessings that you have taken for granted.
Equip Yourself with Eemaan (Faith) and Righteous Deeds
Allaah says: "Whoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer, verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world, with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e., Paradise in the Hereafter)." (Q 16[al-Nahl]:97)
It is the Muslim who has correct faith and many righteous deeds that reform his heart and character, improve his status in this world and the next that will have the ability to deal with every kind of joy and grief that they may face. Such Muslims receive blessings and joys with acceptance and thanksgiving, and put them to use in beneficial ways. When they do this, they feel happy and hope that it will last and will bring them reward for their gratitude, as well as other things that will supercede the original goodness and blessings.
Similarly when the heart that is imbued with faith and limbs that are constant with righteous deeds is faced with the anxieties and grief of childlessness, they are met with befitting patience. Thus, the soul gains a lot of benefits as a result, such as: resilience and toughness as is appropriate; useful. experience, strong willpower, patience, the hope of reward, and many other benefits, which reduce the distress felt.
Understand the Reality of this World
The believer knows that this world is only temporary, that its luxuries are few, and that whatever pleasures exist here are always imperfect. If it causes a little laughter, it gives many reasons to weep; if it gives a little, it withholds far more. The believer is only detained here, as the Messenger of Allaah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "This world is the prison of the believer and the paradise of the kaafir." (Muslim) With Allaah lies the most enduring joy. "Beautified for men is the love of things they covet; women, children, much of gold and silver (wealth) branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the pleasure of the present worlds life; but Allqah has the excellent return with Him." (Q3[Aal Imran]:14)
This understanding of the reality of this world makes it easier for the Muslim to bear the distress and anxiety stemming from childlessness. Pray to Allaah Duaa(prayer or supplication) is very beneficial both to ease the emotion and as a treatment of ones condition., When a distress befalls a person, the door of duaais always open to him; it is never closed. When one calls upon the Most Generous, He will respond and give. Allaah says: "And when My slaves ask you concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor)." (Q2[Baqarah]: 186)
The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) also said: "Each of you should ask for his needs from Allaah, even if the strap of your sandal breaks, because if Allaah does not facilitate it, it will never be possible." (As-Sunni, hasan Isnad) [Check page 21 for the recommended duaa] Rely And Entrust Matters To Allaah Allaah says: "... And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him ... " (Q65[Talaaq]:3) i.e., He will take care of everything that is of concern to him, whether it has to do with his religion or his worldly affairs.
The person who relies on Allaah is strong in heart and is not adversely affected by illusions or things that happen, because he knows that this is a sign of weakness. He also knows that Allaah has guaranteed to take complete care of the one who puts his trust in Him, so he trusts Allaah and has confidence in His promise. Thus his worries and anxiety disappear, hardship is replaced with ease, sadness turns to joy and fear turns to a feeling of security.
We ask Allaah to ease our affairs and to bless us with strength of heart and steadfastness through complete reliance on Him. Seek Medical Advice Almost all the couples expect to have their own babies, once they get married. But if a couple have been having sexual intercourse two or three times a week, at about the time of ovulation without any form of birth,control for a year or more and have not become pregnant or the woman has been unable tocarry a pregnancy to a live birth, then they need medical advice.
Seeking treatment for infertility is permissible and could even be compulsory sometimes particularly if there is the hope that these medicines will have a beneficial effect and will not cause much harm to the body. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Treat disease, for Ailaah has not created any disease but He has also created a cure for it, except for one disease, namely old age." (Abu Dawood)
He also said: Allaah has not sent down any disease but He has also sent down the cure." (Ibn Maajah) In seeking medical solution, the guidance of Islaam must not be compromised. Seek treatment from qualified practitioners; avoid all forms of treatment derived from haram sources; bear in mind that it is only Allaah that heals. With Every Hardship Comes Ease Always think positive and have firm faith that Allaah will make a way out for you.lnsha Allaah, the more intense your stress and depression is, the closer you are to relief and a way out. Allaah says: "So verity, with the hardship, there is relief, verily, with the hardship, there is relief." (Q94[Sharh]:5-6).
In effect, hardship is mentioned once, and relief is mentioned twice, because the definite article ("al") indicates that the hardship mentioned in the first aayah quoted is the same as that mentioned in the second, whereas the fact that relief is mentioned in an indefinite form (with tanween) shows that the relief mentioned in the second aayah is different from that mentioned in the first. In effect, if you are patient and prayerful, not only will you be a parent, you will also get more of Allaahs blessings, insha Allaah. Do Not Be Complacent Reliance on Allaah does not mean that one should become complacent.
Abu Hurayrah (RA) reported: "The Messenger of Allaah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allaah than the weak believer, and both are good. Pay attention to that which could benefit you, seek the help of Allaah and do not feel incapacitated. If anything befalls you, do not say, "If only I had done such-and-such, such a thing would have happened." Say instead, "It is the decree of Allaah, and what He wills, He does," for saying "if only ... " Opens the way for Shaytaan." (Muslim)
Problems are of two types: the one in which the slave can strive to solve as much as he can, by making efforts and seeking the help of Allaah; and the other about which he cannot do anything, which he should accept and be content with. Following this principle, a believer must continuously make lawful effort to find means of curing his infertility.
Engage in Useful Diversion
The quest for a child would sometimes leave the couples in a state of suspended animation waiting seemingly forever through tests and treatments for a baby. Sometimes, the procedure can act out like a chronic illness that uses up a considerable amount of a couples resources time, money and physical and emotional energy. Its important for the couple to pursue some other beneficial work while they wait for the answer to their prayers.
Insha Allaah, this will alleviate the anxiety and they will begin to feel happier and more energetic. It might be a very good idea to seek beneficial knowledge, do charity work and other activities that the couple is eager about. And Allaah knows best. Prepare For All Possibilities If a person is prepared for the worst, whilst seeking refuge with Allaah and hoping to be safe from it, then if his fears materialize, its impact will not be so great because he has already anticipated it and prepared himself to deal with it nobly.
The worst for childless couple is that they remain childless for their entire lives despite their efforts at seeking solutions. If the worst is confirmed, the Muslim should accept and be content with the decree of Allaah. Have certain faith that there is reward and much good in that, by Allaahs leave.
Allaah never decrees for the believer anything but that whichis good for him, as the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) said: "How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs are good, and that does not apply to anyone apart from the believer. If something good happens to him he isthat is good for him, and if something bad happens to him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him." (Muslim) It could be that this patience may be better for him than a child. Everything that Allaah decrees has wisdom and a reason behind it,and everything is subject to His Will and Command.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited