Giving gifts is from the easiest and fastest means to the hearts of people. The one who likes to have long lasting impressions in the mind of his/her spouse should keep to giving him/her gifts. Anas bin Maalik (RA) reported that the Prophet (salallahualayhiwasallam) said:
"Exchange gifts for gifts remove bitter feelings from the heart." (Bazzaar).
It is also said:
Gifts are the messengers of love between spouses. It is reported that: A man once sat mentioning his achievements with his friends and saying: Quarrel does not subsist in my home because I employ a strong weapon against it. They said to him: What is it? And he said: Gifts are the strongest weapon that removes rancour from the home for gifts and rancour do not stay together. (Fannut-Ta'aamul baynaaz-Zaojayn).
Entertain your spouse
It is recommended for a man to be playful with his wife and do lawful things that would entertain her and bring joy to her heart. This was the practice of Allaah's Messenger with his wives, as is extensively reported by Aa'ishah (RA) and other mothers of the believers. Also, jabir bin Abdullaah al-Ansaaree (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"Everything that does not involve the remembrance of Allah is futile, senseless and wasted - except for four acts: a man entertaining his wife, a man training his horse, a man walking between two posts (when practicing archery), and teaching swimming to another man." (Nasaaee).
Do not quarrel over every petty matter
Quarrel over petty matters is a serious illness that destroys a home into which it finds its way. It puts out the flame of success and sows the seed of failure. Dale Carnegie explains the consequences of being provoked by petty things: 'petty things in a marriage could drive both partners mad and they are the cause of half of the heart-ache suffered in this world.' After ruling become marriage threatening issues. The Prophet (salalaahu alayhiwasalam) said: "A believing man should not abhor the believing woman. If he dislikes an attitude in her he· would be pleased with others." (Muslim).
Honor your Spouse's Parents
Honoring the parents and relatives of your spouse is from honoring your spouse. So, n:'ake a father out of his/her father and a mother out of his/her mother and so on. The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) was always gladdened seeing the relatives of his wife. Aa'isha (RA) reported that: Once Haalah bint Khuwaylid, the sister of the Khadeejah (RA)sought permission to enter upon the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), he recognized the manner of seeking permission of Khadeejah (from her sister's manner of seeking permission) and he became joyous and said: 'Here comes Haalah'. (Muslim).
She (RA) also said: "When he slaughters a sheep, he sends of it to the friends of Khadeejah." (Muslim).
A sage said while admonishing his son: 'Love your mother-in-law and your father-inlaw and the relatives of your wife, your wife will love you and you will become more important to her.' Same applies to the woman.
However, dealing with the parents and relatives of husbands have been sources of marital problems in many homes and had led to outright divorces in other cases. While 'modernity' now make some of the women feel that they really needn't honor and seek to please their mother-in-law and father-inlaws amongst other relatives of their husbands, the husband is regularly reminded that from the most grievous of sins after associating partners with Allaah (Shirk) is disobedience to parents and breaking the ties of kinship.
Thus, the husband should not fail in his responsibilities to his parents and the wife should help him achieve this thereby gaining greater respect and love from her husband firstly, and then from his relatives. And vice-versa! Patience and supplications are important tools in handling some excesses that may come from relatives of spouses.
Rid your Home of Pictures and Dogs
Aboo Talhah (RA) said, he heard the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"The angels do not enter a home in which there is a picture or a dog." (Bukhaari and Muslim).
So, the angels of mercy, those of protection and others stay away from such homes in which there are prohibited pictures or dogs and the fact that these angels forsake such homes is an indication of the absence of Allaah's mercy in them. This is in clear contrast with their presence and love of places of remembrance of Allaah and other acts of obedience and their seeking Allaah's mercy and forgiveness upon the people in such places. The tranquility that such brings upon a household in contradistinction to homes where in there are dogs or pictures is undoubtedly great.
Do not make your homes Graveyards
Abdullaah bin Umar (RA) reported that the Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"Make some of your prayers in your homes and do not make them (your homes) graveyards." (Bukhaari).
In another report by Jaabir bin Abdullaah al- Ansaaree, (RA), the Prophet (salallahualayhiwasallam) said:
"When anyone amongst you completes his prayer in his mosque, he should make some lot for his house of his prayer for Allaah brings goodness in his house through his prayer."
Zayd bin Thaabit (RA)also said that the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"Keep to praying in your homes for the best of one's prayers is in his home except the obligatory (congregational) ones." (Bukhaari and Muslim).
So, spouses should keep to making supererogatory prayers in their homes. Other narrations also show that it is better for the women to make their obligatory prayers at home. Graveyards are places where these prayers are prohibited!
Give salaama as you go in and out
A Muslim is required to salaam to other Muslims when he meets them. This obligation is confirmed even more with one's own family. Instead of using non-Islaamic greetings, such as, 'Hi', 'Good Morning', 'Bye' and the like, one should use the blessed greetings of Islaam.
Aboo Hurayrah (RA) reported thatAllaah's Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Indeed Islaam has landmarks and minarets like road minarets; among them is believing in Allaah and joining nothing (in worship) with Him, establishing the prayer, giving the Zakaah, fasting in Ramadaan, performing Hajj to the house, enjoining the right, forbidding the wrong. greeting your family with salaam when you meet them. And greeting the people with salaam when you pass by them. Whoever drops .one of these has surely dropped a portion of Islaam and whoever drops all of them has surely turned his back on Islaam." (Haakim)
Effort Brings Reward
At times, the hard work involved in building a happy marriage may cause some to be tempted to give up. However, do not let upsets make you abandon your commitment or forfeit everything that you have already invested in your marriage, the distance you have already covered in your journey together.
Duaa
In a recent survey, it is discovered that only about 10% of Muslim couples actively remember to pray for the endurance of their marriage. People ask for myriad of favours from Allaah but forget to ask for the singular favour that will make other favours meaningful and enjoyable - peaceful and happy home. There is no true success without duaa. Always make duaa for each other; for the family as a whole and the Ummah in general because your success is his or hers and your family's success is an honour to the Ummah.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited