As parents, we all want our children to grow up to be talented, well rounded adult who lead meaningful, active lives. Toward reaching that goal we often load up their schedules with private lessons, sport and other activities. While there maybe nothing wrong with that if done in moderation, however, sometimes we need a reminder that along with the athletic, academic, and other skills, we can simultaneously cultivate four other abilities which we mark them for success no matter what they do.
Responsibility
Define it: A responsible person willingly assumes obligations (services performed for the benefits of someone else) and is able to distinguish between right and wrong when making choices. Responsibility also involves readily accepting the consequences of one's own choices without assigning blames to others.
Apply it:
I } Be a responsible parent spouse
2} Assign household chore to all your children {age 2 and up}
3} Make sure your children own up to wrong choices and require them to do what is necessary to make things right.
4} Praise your children for "owning up" to their own wrong life & family actions- but follow through with appropriate discipline.
5} Don't allow scape goating (especially of other siblings). Sometimes, teaching your child to take personal responsibility is of higher importance than focusing on actions like who left the milk open.
6} Allow older children to learn new responsibilities- even if you have the time and desire to do the work for them. Examples: making their own lunch, watching a younger sibling, typing out some jobs for you on the personal computer, etc.
Dependability
Define it: A person who is dependable is trustworthy, reliable, and steady. Dependability is achieved after a pattern of trustworthy and reliable actions is set over time. Dependable people are not spotlight hogs; they are humble servants.
Apply it:
I} Be a dependable parent.
2} Teach your children to watch for opportunities to serve others, and to follow through when they do.
3} Give a monthly "dependability" reward in your home.
4} require your kids to limit activity choices. If they are overcommitted, they will not be able to be dependable participant in each activity. Choosing which event to give your loyalty strengthens dependability- as well as responsibility.
Flexibility
Define it: A person can bend without breaking- and easily adjust to change. Spiritually, flexibility often involves obedience when obedience isn't comfortable or the logical choice.
Apply it:
I } Be a flexible role model.
2} Create the most stable home environment possible, but don't cater to your children's every request. Remember, flexibility comes from having an outward rather than inward focus - self-centeredness breed's inflexibility.
3} Teach your kids to have realistic expectations based on experience not on desire. This aspect of flexibility will help them especially if they tend to get angry when things don't go their way.
4} Consistently remind them through Qur'an study and personal experience that Allaah's Will for us does not always match our own desire - or make earthly sense. Being in the centre of Allah’s Will requires flexibility that comes from following the Sunnah.
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited