Wisdom BEHIND the Delay in Response to Your Duaa
Although the general rule is that the more pious a person is, the greater are his chances of being answered, this is not always the case. It is possible that a disbeliever, or an evil sinner, is responded to, and it is possible that the du'a of the most pious is not answered. So just because a person's du'a is not answered is not an indication that the person is not pious.
If even the Prophet's du'a was sometimes not responded to, then where do we stand in comparison to him? The Prophet (salallahu alayhiwa sallam) said:
" asked my Lord for three things, but He gave me two of them, and prevented me from one. , asked my Lord that my nation not be destroyed by drought, so He gave it to me. And I ask Him that my nation not perish by drowning, so He gave it to me. And I asked him fighting not to occur between them, but he did not give it to me." (Muslim)
This is a clear indication that not every single du'a of a person is responded to. Additionally, these 'wisdoms' that .have been mentioned in previous editions should not be taken as an excuse to give up du'a, for the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) explicitly prohibited this. The purpose behind this explanation is such that a person might be comforted when the response is delayed, and not give up the continuance of du'a. It is appropriate to quote a lengthy passage from one of the ibn a1-jawzi's works, a passage full of wisdom and beneficial advice:
Ibn al-Jawzi said: "I was once in a situation of distress, so I regularly made du'a to Allaah to relieve me from my distress, and to bless me with relief and freedom. Yet, the response seemed to postponed, so my soul started getting agitated and restless.
I told it 'Woe to you! Consider your situation: are you one who is a maidservant or are you a queen? Are you one who is controlled (by Allaah) or are you the controller? Do you not know that this world is the place of trials and tests? And if you ask for something and it is not responded to, and you are impatient at this, then where is the test? After all, are not trials and tests merely the opposite of our own goals and desires? If only you were to understand this responsibility, then that which is difficult will appear easy for you, and the unbearable will become light.'
After it (I.e. his soul) pondered over this, it quietened down a bit. I then told it, 'I also have a second answer, and that is that you are asking (Allaah) your wishes and desires, but neglecting to ask yourself what it is obligated to do. This is the essence of ignorance, for it is appropriate for you to do the opposite, since you are a servant, and the intelligent servant strives to fulfill the rights of his master, knowing that it is not obligatory for the master to grant any desire.'
After I told it this, it achieved more Peace I then told it, I have yet a third response, as you have blocked its path with your sins. if only you are to open the path, the response would be hastened. Do you not now that the cause of the peace is taqwa?
Have you not heard the statement of A1laah:
"And whoever fears Allaah. He will provide for and escape. And he provides for him from sources that he never could imagine?" (Q65[TalaqJ2)
Have you not understood that the opposite applies, (that if you are immersed in your sins, your matter will be made difficult). Woe to the intoxication of thoughtlessness that is stronger than all other intoxicants, and prevent the water that is desired from reaching the garden of one's goals!
So my soul realized the truth, and became content I then said, I have yet a fourth response, and that is that you are asking for something for which you do not know the consequence of. In fact, it might be harmful for you.
Differences Of Opinion Between Husband And Wife Over Religious Matters.
How should we deal with a situation where one of the spouses wants to do something concerning which there is a difference of opinion among the fuqaha', and each of them is supported by a different fatwa?
Answer
Praise be to Allaah. What the wife must do is obey her husband, unless that involves sin or will harm her or deprive her of her rights, in which case she should not obey him. With regard to matters concerning which the scholars differ, and the wife holds a view other than that of her husband, and he tells her to do something contrary to that which she believes is more correct, the answer varies according to the issue in question.
Issues Regarding Obligatory Worship
Ifit has to do with a particular ruling or manner with regard to her worship - whether it is obligatory or naa~1- and that does not affect the rights of the husband, and her mistreatment towards him, then she does not have to do that which she is not convinced of, if her husband tells her to do it. An example of that is the zakaah on gold. If she believes that it is obligatory to pay zakaah on gold even ifit is kept for adornment – as is the more correct view – then she is not obliged to obey the zakaah on her gold, from her own wealth, if he thinks that zakah does not have to be paid on gold that is kept for adornment.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al- 'Uthaymeen (RAH) said:
"Some If it has to do with a particular ruling husbands prevent their wives from or manner with regard to her paying zakaah on their jewellery, worship - whether it is obligatory based on the second, weak view and that does not affect to which we have referred above. the rights of the husband, and her This is haraam; it is not permissible doing it does not result in any for a husband, father or brother to mistreatment towards him, then prevent anyone who wants to pay she does not have to do that which zakaah on his wealth, and the wife has to disobey her husband in this case and pay zakaah despite what he says, because obedience to Allaah takes precedence over obedience to the husband, and her husband will not be able to save her from the punishment of Allaah on the Day of Resurrection.
Be Diplomatic
So for example, if her husband says, 'This is a matter concerning which the fuqaha' differed and I do not believe it is obligatory,' she should say to him: 'You have your view and I have mine; I cannot omit paying zakaah, and in my view it is obligatory.' In this case she has to disobey him and obey Allaah. Ifshe says, 'I am afraid that He will be angry,' we say that there are two answers to that:
I - We say: Let him be angry, for his anger is nothing in comparison to the pleasure of Allaah.
2 - We say: Be diplomatic towards him, i.e., pay the zakaah in such a way that he does not know. Thus you will have paid the zakaah that is required of you and you will be i safefrom your husband's anger. But with regard to this matter we Say to the husband: Fear Allaah! So long as the wife thinks that it is obligatory, it is not permissible for you to prevent them from paying zakaah. The same applies to fathers, if they say to their daughters: 'Do not pay zakaah because I do not think that it is obligatory.' She (the daughter) _has the right to say: 'I will not hear and obey, because hearing and obeying are for Allaah and His Messenger.' But if she is afraid that he will be angry - because some people are weak in mind and religious commitment - then she may be diplomatic and pay it .. without him knowing. (Jalasaat Ramadaaniyyah 1412AH, question #5).
Another example has to do with the manner of praying, such as going down (for prostration) on the hands or knees first, or holding the hands together after rukoo'. In such issues the wife is not obliged to follow her husband's opinion if it differs from hers, unless she thinks that both views are of equal merit or she becomes convinced of his opinion.
Issues regarding naafil worship
If the issue has to do with naafil acts of worship and obedience that affect his rights, then it is not permissible for her to do them, rather she is forbidden to do them, as is the case with observing naafil fasts without his permission, or going out of the house to uphold ties of kinship or make permissible visits without his permission, because by doing that she is denying him his rights, and she is not sinning by not doing (the naafil action), rather: she will be rewarded for obeying her Lord by giving her husband his rights and refraining from doing it for his sake.
Ibn Qudaamah (RAH) said:
"He has the right to prevent her-from going out for a voluntary Hajj and entering ihraam for it, and there is no difference of scholarly opinion concerning that. Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of the scholars from whom we learned are unanimously agreed that the man has the right to prevent his wife from going out for avoluntary Hajj, because it is a voluntary act that affects the husband's rights, so her husband has the right to prevent her from doing it, like i'tikaaf. If he gives her permission to do it, he hastheright to change his mind so long as she has not entered ihram for it. If she hasentered ihraam for it, he does not have the right to change his mind or to make her exit ihraam, because starting the Hajj makes it binding to complete it, so it becomes like that which was originally obligatory". [AIMughni (3/572)]
Issues Regarding Naafil. Obedience To Husband Is Worship Obligatory Here
And he said concerning the husband forbidding hiswife to visit her parents when they are sick:
"The husband has the right to prevent her from going out of his house for something that she has to do, whether she wants to go and see her parents, or visit them when they are sick, or attend the funeral of one of them. Ahmad said concerning a woman who has a husband and a sick mother: Obedience to her husband is more obligatory upon her than obedience to her mother, unless he gives her permission.
Because obedience to the husband is obligatory, whereas visiting the sick is not obligatory, so it is not permissible to forsake that which is obligatory for that which is not obligatory and it is not permissible for her to go out without his permission. But the husband should not prevent her from visiting her parents if they are sick or going to see them, because that is cutting of ties of kinship with them and may make his wife disobey him. Allaah has enjoined us to live with them honorably, and this is not living with them honorably. [AI-,MughnI (8/130)].
Issues Regarding Permissible Worship
With regard to everything that is permissible for her, he hasthe right to prevent her from doing it or make her follow his opinion if he thinks it is haraam, and she must accept that if her doing it will cause harm to her husband and expose him to humiliation or disrespect. For example, covering the face is an issue concerning which the scholars differed, but there is no one who says that it is haraam to cover the face. If she thinks that it is acceptable to uncover the face, he has the right to prevent her from showing it before nonmahrams, and he has the right to make her follow hisopinion, which is that it is obligatory to cover the face - which is the more correct view - and she does not have the right to go against him. She will be rewarded for doing that if she seeks reward for obeying her Lord by obeying her husband and does that which is more concealing.
Other Issues Of Worship
Whatever the wife thinks is obligatory, haraam or bid'ah(innovation), she does not have to obey the husband by refraining I from what is obligatory or by doing that which is haraam or bid'on. We have mentioned above an example of something that is obligatory, namely zakaah on gold. An example of something that the wife thinks is haraam and that the husband thinks is permissible is covering the face - the opposite of the scenario mentioned .above. If she thinks that it is haraam to uncover her face in front of nonmahram men, her husband does not have the right to tell her to uncover it on the basis that he thinks it is permissible for her to uncover her face.
Important Points
Here we should point out a few things:
(a)Kind treatment of spouses is obligatory upon both parties.
(b)It is not permissible for the spouses to mock one another for their views.
(c)Both spouses must follow the most knowledgeable and religiously committed of those whom they refer to for fatwas, and they must avoid following whims and desires when looking for concessions.
(d)ln issues that are broad in scope it is not permissible for the husband to put pressure on his wife, but in issues that are broad in scope it is better and preferable for the wife to follow the husband's opinion.
(e)We advise both spouses to seek knowledge, and look for the truth, and stop arguing on the basis of falsehood. Each party should seek the truth.
(f)The happy family is the one in which there is love, compassion and understanding between all family members. You are not in a university or college and do not have to base things on debates. Be a good example to your children in following the truth and do not allow your differences lead to arguments. And Allah knows best.
His Mother Does Not Like His Wife and That Has Led To Him Living With Her Family
My mother does not like my wife, which has led to me leaving home and living with my wife in her parents' home. What should I do?
Answer
Praise be to Allaah. It is not essential for you to live with your family, rather it may be better for you and your wife and your mother for you to live with your wife outside your parents’ house. In most cases the one who lives with his family- or even close to them- will not have a problem-free life. Wise people who measure things against the standards of sharee'ah and wisdom are very few, especially among women because of the jealousy and competition that exists among them.
Your living away from your family may set things straight between your mother and your wife. Distance is a bonus in many cases, so there is no need to worry. You may see something as bad and feel distressed because of it, then it turns out to be good. Your mother may begin to miss you and her grandchildren because of your being away from her, and her feelings may change towards your wife if she is out of sight and she only sees her occasionally. This is something, that is tried and tested. But if you want a solution to the cause of the problem, which is that your mother does not like your wife, you have to look for the reasons why she does not like her and find out what is stopping her from liking her. Possible Reasons These may be some of the reasons why your mother does not like your wife:
Mixing too much with her, which leads to too much talk, and the one who talks too much makes too many slips of the tongue. Jealousy of your wife and your love for her. This happens a great deal. You often see the husband's mother being jealous of her son's love for his wife and his responding to her wishes, and she thinks that this wife has taken her son from her.
Your wife's bad treatment of your mother. Some wives do not treat their husbands' mothers well, so they do not answer their requests or show them respect, which leads to many problems between them. Your falling short with regard to your mother's rights and not paying attention to your wife's rights. The mother' cannot hate her son; rather she tries to pick on something which she thinks is the cause o the problem, which is his wife, so she hates her.
These are some of the reasons which may make your mother which may make your mother all or some of them are applicable in your case, then you must deal with it in a wise and good manner.
Practical Steps To love
We advise you to take the following steps to create love between your mother and your wife:
I - Live apart from your mother, and tell your mother that you are doing this even though you don't want to, for her sake, so that your mother will not put pressure on herself and make herself ill.
2 - Advise your wife to send a lot of gifts to your mother, whether they are material things such as clothes, food etc, or intangible gifts such as sending salaams and asking after her health.
3 - Asking wise people whom your mother likes to intervene to change her mind about your wife. In this case outsiders may have a greater influence on the mother than her son and her husband. We should point out that as
you are no longer living with your mother, you should try find separate accommodation for yourself that is separate from your wife's family too. Perhaps your moving in with them has deepened the rift between the two sides. Moreover it is not usually a good thing in establishing a marriage and it may have a negative effect on the couple's life. Do not forget to pray to Allah and ask Him to guide all of you to that which He loves and which pleases Him, and ask Allah to reconcile everyone and bring them together. And to guide them to the best of words, deeds and attitudes. And Allaah is the Source of Strength
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited