Allaah has given the man the power and control over the women. Allaah says:
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means." (Q4[Nisaa]:34)
This power automatically makes the man the judge in his own case. he is right when he says so and the wife is required to either fall in line or fall out - the choice is hers to make.
The husband is required to exercise this power with utmost restraint and to treat the woman as kindly as possible. Allaah reminds him in the closing part of the verse quoted above: if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great." That though his power puts the husband a step higher over his wife, Allaah is "the Most High and Most Great" possessing indomitable power to do as He wishes with him as well.
Abdullaah bn Zam'ah (RA) narrated that:
"The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind, and said: "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?"And Hisham said, "As he beats liis slave" (Bukhari) Also, Abu Mas'ud al-Badri (RA) was beating his slave with a whip one day and the Messenger of Allah (salallahualayhi wasallam), who was passing by, said to him: "Bear in mind, Abu Mas'ud; verily Allaah has more dominance upon you than you have upon your slave." (M uslim)
Abu Hurayrah (RA) reported Allaah's Messenger (salallahualayhi wasallam) as saying that
"a woman was thrown into Hell-Fire because of a cat whom she had tied and did not provide it with food. nor did she set it free to catch insects of the earth until it died inch by inch." (Muslim)
If a woman was thrown into Hellfire for oppressing a cat then how much more oppressing a human being.
Enter the garden of knowledge One great means of sustaining marriage to understand Islaam. Learning about the Deen brings contentment and pleases the Lord. The Prophet (salallahualayhiwa sallam) said:
"When Allaah intends understanding of religion." (Muslim).
Whenever Allaah intends good for a marriage, the couple will constantly seek means of improving their knowledge of Islaam.
So, read easily available books of knowledge which will benefit you and increase you in knowledge and understanding of Islaam. Study the Qur'aan a great deal, memorize whatever you can of it, listen to and act upon it because ignorance of Islaam leads to darkness and anxiety in the heart. You should have a home library, even if it is small, containing useful books and tapes.
Be serious with your Life
You should be serious in your affairs; in bringing up your children, persisting in doing useful deeds, and praying with proper focus and humility, remembering Allaah with proper presence of mind, giving charity, organizing your book shelves and so on. Look at some of the disbelievers; let alone the believers among the pious predecessors male and female; and how they are distinguished by their serious attitude towards life despite the fact that they are disbelievers, astray from the straight path.
On the other hand, negligence leads to hard-hardheartedness and the sealing of one's heart -with Allaah, refuge is sought. If that happens to a person, he will never recognize anything good or denounce anything bad and he will never understand anything about the religion of Allaah and such a person will remain hard-hearted, confused and miserable.
Be Clean and Neat Always
Abdullah bin Salaam (RA) reported that the Prophet (salallahualayhiwasallam) said:
"The best of women (your wives) are those you get delighted when you look at, who obey you when you order them and preserve your absence regarding their selves and wealth." (tabaraanee).
Dirty and shabby attitudes are naturally repugnant and sickening. The situation is worse in a marriage where these repulsive attitudes are common features
Being dirty and untidy does not necessarily imply piety. Infact , cleanliness and nice attitudes to personal hygiene are from the hallmarks of the pious people in this Ummah, the leader of whom is the Prophet Muhammad (salallahualayhiwasallam). Narrations abound regarding his general neatness and use of perfume. Asmaa bin Khaarijah al-Fazaazee (RA) married out his daughter and said to her:
"He should not perceive from you except good fragrance or look at you except that you are beautiful." (Fannut-Ta'aamulbaynaaz Zaojayn)
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited