Last edition we opened a discussion on the ties that bind two or more people together in marriage. We discussed the rights the wife has over her husband. This edition, we are looking at the rights that the husband has over his wife.
Being the Head of the Household
When one thinks of the rights of the husband, this is probably one of the first things which come to mind. However, a serious question must be asked: Is this a right of the husband or another right of the wife? Allaah says:
"Men are in charge of women by that with which Allah has preferred some of them over others and by that which they spend from their property. So the pious women are obedient protecting in absence that which Allah has protected ...”Q4[An-Nisaa]:34)
The verse seems to present a great right of the husband over the wife. Upon deeper thought, it is clear that this verse actually points to a right of the wife and an obligation of the husband. The word for "in charge of in Arabic indicates also support, protection and responsibility on the part of the husband for his wife.
Even if the wife is financially independent of her husband, his right is still that he must be treated as the head of the home. His authority and influence as the man should not be eroded.
To Be Obeyed
It is the right of the husband that his wife obeys him. This obedience, however, does not include anything which is disobedience to Allaah. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"No obedience in what is sinful. Obedience is only in what is right." (Muslim)
Two things are clear from this hadeeth:
I) a woman is obligated to obey her husband, and
2) no Muslim may obey anyone in what is disobedience to Allaah.
However, when a wife finds obedience to her husband in conflict with obedience to her parents; which takes precedence? Scholars have taken two opinions on this matter. One that obedience to the husband always takes precedence over obedience to parents. Others have taken the position that obedience to one's parents takes precedence since Allaah has described being undutiful to one's parents as one of the greatest sins after associating partners with Allaah.
First of all, it is clear that the obligation of every Muslim toward their parents is very great just as the obligation of a Muslim wife to respect and obey her husband is very great. Parents should be aware that they have entered their daughter into a contract which requires her to obey her husband. Likewise, husbands should be aware of the fact that their wives have a great obligation toward their parents. When these two come into conflict, someone is probably not acting properly.
When the two do come into conflict, it seems clear that the strongest opinion is that the rights of the husband take precedence over the rights of her parents, as in the following hadeeth from Aisha (RA): "I asked the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam): Who has the greatest right over a woman? He said: "Her husband." I said: And who has the greatest right over a man? He said: "His mother. "(Haakim)
Physical Relations
It is the obligation of the wife to respond whenever her husband calls her to come to bed unless there is a strong reason why she cannot. When a woman resist the invitation of her husband to bed without a valid reason, it will lead to frustration, marital discord and the husband's desire to seek fulfillment of his needs elsewhere.
If he ends up turning to the haram, then a very great harm indeed has been inflicted upon society. This point is clear from many hadeeth, among them:
"Whenever a man calls his wife for his desire. Let her come to him even if she is occupied at the oven." (Tirmidhi)
Thus a wife must be responsive to her husband even if that involves the wasting of some wealth (by burning the bread). Because the social consequences of this breaking down are so serious, so the danger to a woman who fails to respect it is very serious. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"Whenever a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses to come, the angels curse her until morning” (Bukhari)
Even extra acts of prayer and fasting must be curtailed if that interferes with a man's desire for his wife's company.
Control Over Who Enters the House
It is established from' many hadeeth that the wife is not to allow anyone into the home if she knows that her husband does not like for that person to be in the house (male or female) This is another right of the husband over the wife, as the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) mentioned:
"...And that she should not admit anyone to his house except with his permission ..."(Muslim& Bukhari)
The permission referred to here does not have to be explicit for every individual. If the wife knows or has good reason to believe that her husband would not object to a particular individual, then she may allow them into the house.
That She Not Leave the House Without His Permission
The best place for a Muslim woman is in her house. When Allaah addressed the wives of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) and ordered them (and, by extension, all of the Muslim women) to remain primarily in their homes, He associated the desire of women to be "out" and to display themselves with the jahiliya (the age of foolishness):
"And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves like the ways of the time of ignorance. And establish prayer, pay zakaat and obey Allaah and his messenger..” (Q33[Ahzaab]:33)
The scholars of tafseer state that although the verse is explicitly directed at the wives of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) the general principle applies to all Muslim women and wives in particular that they should not leave the house except for a legitimate purpose such as going to the masjid seeking knowledge. Shopping for household needs, e.t.c
However, this right should be used in the right manner and not be misused such that it leads to harm and distress. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"No inflicting of harm and no reciprocating of harm." (Ahmad)
A woman should not be turned into prisoner in the house.
Housework
The rights which have been stated so far are non-controversial and agreed upon among the scholars. The duty of the wife to take care of housework such as cooking, cleaning and generally serving her husband in the house is an issue about which there are much divergent discussions.
Nevertheless what is dear is that the wife taking care of the house chores has always been the custom of the Muslims. all the way back to the Prophet (salallohu alayhi wa sallam) and his Companions.
The question is: Is it part of the obligation she owes her husband or just part of the ihsaan (good treatment) which should be done to the husband? The strongest argument is that taking care of the home is obligatory upon the woman.
An Evidence is the hadeeth of Husain ibn Muhsin that the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) asked his aunt if she was married. When she answered in the affirmative he said: ''How are you with respect to him?" She answered: 'I do not fail in obeying him save in those things that I am incapable of doing. 'The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) told her:
"Look to how you are with respect to him for he is your paradise and your hell-fire." (Ahmad)
Al-Albaani states that this hadeeth is proof that a woman must serve her husband according to her ability, the first of such obligations is the bringing up of the children.
Another evidence is the hadeeth of the Prophet' (salallahu alayhi wa sallam):
"All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care. The Imam (i.e. ruler) is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband's house and is responsible for it. A servant is the guardian of his master's belongings and is responsible for them." (Bukhari)
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited