We are still discussing the famous hadith of Jabir, In our last edition, we mentioned the concluding part of the hadith that is relevant to us: Jabir said, "So when we were about to enter the city, the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said to me, Slow down, and enter at night, so that she who has not combed may comb her hair, and she who has not shaved may shave her private area.Then he said to me, When you enter upon her, then be wise and gentle." (Bukhari and Muslim).
Benefits: The last phrase of the hadith is translated as ...then be wise and gentle. The Arabic is fa-l-kayyis al-kayyis, which is an emphasis on this word. The word kayyisprimarily means wisdom, but it also has the connotation of gentleness. Scholars have understood this phrase to mean that Jabir should approach his wife in a gentle and wise manner. The fact that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) is instructing Jabir what to do at this time shows that he instructed his Ummah even about such personal matters. In one hadith, which deals with the etiquette of the restroom, the Prophet sal (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "I am to you like a father, and I teach you like a father does ... "(Abu Dawud).
Since Jabir did not have any older brothers, and since his father had passed away, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) took on this responsibility, and even advised him about sexual conduct. From this, we may extrapolate that people of knowledge should likewise not be shy when it comes to teaching Muslims conjugal etiquette when the need arises. Imam al-Bukhari, Ibn Khuzayma, and Ibn Hibban all narrated this wording, and they all understood the reference here to be an indirect reference to the act of intimacy. Once again, the wording is frank without being vulgar. What is meant by al-kayyisis that jabir should act in a wise manner; he has been gone for some time, and is newly married. Therefore, both parties are missing each other, and it is a sign of wisdom that they gratify themselves and do not delay this unnecessarily. Also, there is a connotation of gentleness as well; Jabir should realize that he is a young man, and therefore he should not act in a manner that might be painful to his wife. (This piece is a continuation from last edition of the seminar in family intimacy by Yasir Qadhi)
This article was culled from the publications of Deen Communication Limited